(totally), misguided diva.

Chuck Palahniuk

2012-01-31T13:01:00.000+08:00

I want out of the labels.
I don’t want my whole life crammed into a single word.
A story.
I want to find something else, unknowable, some place to be that’s not on the map.
A real adventure.
A mystery.
A blank.
Unknown.
Undefined.

We can spend our lives letting the world tell us who we are.
Sane or insane.
Saints or sex addicts.
Heroes or victims.
Letting history tell us how good or bad we are.
Letting our past decide our future.
Or we can decide for ourselves.
And maybe it’s our job to invent something better.

It's you who to blame for your miserable life, not others.

Because all along, you have choice.

Woman

2012-01-29T10:55:00.002+08:00

she maintains her independence.
she doesn't pursue him.
she is mysterious, (balance between honesty and disclosure, you need not to reveal everything).
she leaves him wanting.
she doesn't let him see her sweat.
she remains in control of her time.
she maintains her sense of humor.
she place a high values on herself.
she passionate about something other than him.
she treats her body like a finely tuned machines.

Shall we not?

No Leaders, Please

2012-01-28T08:36:00.000+08:00

invent yourself and then reinvent yourself,
don’t swim in the same slough.
invent yourself and then reinvent yourself
and
stay out of the clutches of mediocrity.

invent yourself and then reinvent yourself,
change your tone and shape so often that they can
never categorize you.

reinvigorate yourself and
accept what is
but only on the terms that you have invented
and reinvented.

be self-taught.

and reinvent your life because you must;
it is your life and
its history
and the present
belong only to
you.

Charles Bukowski

A brief of update

2012-01-22T02:03:00.000+08:00

O well, I had a bad migraine last night because staying up late for reading. I don't think the longer hour for reading was the main culprit for my terrible migraine. But I think the lack of sleep, caffeine intake (excessively), and too exposed to light - not medically proven - was the reasons.

But I had 2 hours sleep on Diclofenac Sodium (50mg) this afternoon, then I was okay to run errands to whole evening. But right now, the problem why I still NOT in bed, I was hooked up with The Casebook of Sherlock Holmes & His Last Bow a novel by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

By far this is my favorite sentence, 'I'm a brain, Watson. The rest of me is a mere appendix. Therefore, it is the brain I must consider.', this sentence captured in the story of The Mazarin Stone- if you are familiar with Sherlock Holmes cases.

I am so addicted to reading (now), I am in my 8 book from my 50 books in 2012 reading list. Isn't that great?

But rest assured, this is not entirely why the reason I stay awake up until now, while half of the people in my neighborhood sound asleep anticipating for the Chinese New Year celebration starting tomorrow. Actually I have flight to catch tomorrow morning, kinda early for Sunday morning. Hence, as usual the queen of procrastinating I still have not done any packing so far. I wanted so badly to blame the book- to complain how good it is. But I am sure the main suspect is the Internet.

I do not have any plan to go home for this festive season, actually. To begin with my half-Chinese descendant family are celebrating is no doubt is a family yearly thing. As I just got back from Christmas holiday, the fat that I acquired from Christmas food feast has not shred a bit and now I resume to add more- that worry me. But the reason just simply because of the family, who can resist. And to top up, I will go mad spending my entire 8 days long holiday with reading. I will die from boredom- such a pathetic cause of death actually.

The plane ticket to purchase at last minute call is super expensive. But thank God for MAS Enrich point redemption. I got in a very cheaper price, as in I only pay the airport tax. I am glad that I am member. Anyway, MAS doesn't really give me the ticket without hassle, heartache, and of course all the cursing on twitter - hardly. Because I had pay for my booking but turn out there's no booking for my said ticket went through, I was furious. I called the customer line they cannot in anyway possible to explain why and to suggest next solution.

It brought me to airport counter to settle it down. Luckily there are smart people working in that company that help me out, while the rest so dumb- I wonder why they work at customer service line. So, that I summarize there's no such thing as free gift in this world, you will pay every thing even with curse for that matter. I got my return ticket, and the counter girl help me email MAS office to reimburse money paid at the earlier booking-actually that simple solution that I want to hear from the dumb personnel.

So, I will be home again. And still counting days to leave the current job. As I've tendered my resignation letter, waiting for the man to write 'no objection' then I will go.

I've plan in my life, the plan is to live life to the fullest, and to trust my own gut to be happy. But my plan doesn't includes to be miserable and cursing my job, because unlike most people, I like working, I like making my brain working- that's why I decided to leave. I am not happy anymore. No more challenge for me ; the drama is all the same, the work mundane, the people getting meaner. I don't want that, I want to be better and only the best in life, so this is not the right place.

But we will just need to wait and see for a while though.

Okay, I wanted to write about this pre-thought, 'I have too many wrong people that concern about me too much. These people too concerned about me more than people who love me. Absurd.', but I have not pack for tomorrow, remember. I should do that. But in conclusion, there's a saying that only business that worth minding is, your own. so, (Mind your own business)- no offense.

Shall I see you again.

Thank you for reading.

Reading Marathon

2012-01-18T22:17:00.002+08:00

Humble review

I had finished reading The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde on 13th of January. It was a long read for me since I started this book during Christmas holiday. It gets longer because it's classic novel. Reading classic novel a bit of challenge for me. What more Oscar Wilde novel- stressful I must say.

But what a novel indeed! I reread some sentences twice just to get what he means, not that I want to be left out, let alone not understanding it. Wilde's 1890 novel still never fails to be relevant up until today. As in our today world, we are living in a culture and society that where age is seems the enemy of the people - the goal these days seems to be not just to stop aging, but to look younger but superficial - this is the same issue that Oscar try to portray in this book.

Soon after, I started reading Paulo Coelho latest book Aleph, and finished today. Because I needed a relaxing read to begin with and to compensated the stress I got from Wilde-literally.

It was indeed an easy and relaxing read. While with Aleph, I revisit my feeling when I was reading The Alchemist- peaceful. This book for me is very personal, and very autobiographical- how autobiographical is another story. But written very neat and engaging, I was moved with many good wisdom inside this book, leaving me some kind of bravery feeling towards my own goal. I don't doubt if the story is his real experiences the way he writes it.

Good books, indeed.

Mark Victor Hansen

2012-01-13T09:57:00.002+08:00

Borrowing his words,

“Don’t wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful.”

Hello, 13th day of January. Friday the 13th in fact. I am hoping you will have a great day. Significant to the quote I am sending my big R letter, today. Praying may everything will go smoothly for me.

till then.

Bye 2011

2012-01-01T23:08:00.000+08:00

Bring it on, 2012.

Amen

2011-12-28T00:13:00.001+08:00

New year is approaching, soon going to put 2011 to end. I borrowed words from Reinhold Niebuhr — The Serenity Prayer ;

“ God,

grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.

Courage to change the things I can.

And wisdom to know the difference.”

Because there will come a time when you just, surrender and, have faith in what you believe in after your work hard.

Procrastinate

2011-12-20T23:10:00.003+08:00

: to put off till another day or time ; defer ; delay.

Courtesy photo mint.com

Flight tomorrow after work.
Supposedly by now, I done packing for Christmas holiday.

But no. No!

I don't have mood.

We will see.

My Christmas Wish

2011-12-20T10:19:00.000+08:00

I have been thinking about this, if there is Santa Clause - this will be my Christmas wish.

1. Haruki Murukami, 1Q84 in hard cover.

2. Ticket and hotel paid to Manila, The Philippines.

3. iMac.

4. Book Shopping Voucher.

O, well. Happy holiday and Merry Christmas!

Here

2011-12-20T09:50:00.002+08:00

21 Scathingly Witty Insults By Famous People

happy reading!

You Learn

2011-12-20T09:18:00.002+08:00

After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,

And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
And company doesn’t mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises,

And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open

With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,
And you learn to build all your roads on today

Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn…
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.

So you plant your garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure…
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth…

And you learn and learn…
With every good-bye you learn.

—	Jorge Luis Borges, trans. Veronica A. Shoffstall

The Last Night of the Earth Poems

2011-12-19T18:39:00.002+08:00

I always resented all the years, the hours, the
minutes I gave them as a working stiff, it
actually hurt my head, my insides, it made me
dizzy and a bit crazy - I couldn’t understand the
murdering of my years
yet my fellow workers gave no signs of
agony, many of them even seemed satisfied, and
seeing them that way drove me almost as crazy as
the dull and senseless work.

the workers submitted.
the work pounded them to nothingness, they were
scooped-out and thrown away.
I resented each minute, every minute as it was
mutilated
and nothing relieved the monotony.
I considered suicide.
I drank away my few leisure hours.

I worked for decades.

I lived with the worst kind of women, they killed what
the job failed to kill.
I knew that I was dying.
something in me said, go ahead, die, sleep, become as
them, accept.
then something else in me said, no, save the tiniest
bit.
it needn’t be much, just a spark.
a spark can set a whole forest on
fire.
just a spark.
save it.
I think I did.
I’m glad I did.
what a lucky god damned
thing.

- Charles Bukowski

Escape

2011-12-18T21:54:00.002+08:00

(by Charles Bukowski)

the best part was
pulling down the
shades
stuffing the doorbell
with rags
putting the phone
in the
refrigerator
and going to bed
for 3 or 4
days.

and the next best
part
was
nobody ever
missed
me.

Alright...

2011-12-18T19:55:00.001+08:00

Weekend is over!

From Japan

2011-12-18T14:18:00.000+08:00

Friends of mine, who just got married this year came back from Japan for their honeymoon and sent this for my souvenir. I didn't ask anything from them anyway, but they are just good people. They remember me. I am so touched.

That book mark I'm using now for book I currently reading, Haruki Murukami's, Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman.

Thank you, God bless.

Reading Women

2011-12-16T21:47:00.000+08:00

Last night I've done reading Charles Bokowski, Women. This novel written in 1977.

I think, you need to have an open mind reading Bokowski book- particularly this one. To Bokowski, no subject matter is taboo, no matter how embarrassing, indelicate, or personal- this portrayed well in this book. You got to be prepare mentally when reading this, if you have that uptight mind this is not a good read for you, you will hate it.

If you have read a little about Bokowski, you will regard this book as semi-autobiography of him. But writer tends to be influenced by their own life experience when writing. Bokowski famous with his writing in his later life, he had a tough and rough background, I suspect that make his book so vocal and straightforward.

I can not say I really like this book though. But what hold me on to the end is that, his criticism about human being- most of the time, only people who experienced shit in life will have that kind of thought. It was a very short read, I am moving to my next book.

Christmas Gift

2011-12-14T15:36:00.001+08:00

Christmas gift from bestfriend. She is studying her PHD in Kent University, UK. And Sent this via Amazon.UK.Com. Thank you, God bless you.

The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wild
Woman by Charles Bukowski
The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
Slaughterhouse 5 by Kurt Vonnegut

A date with Eugenides

2011-12-14T07:46:00.000+08:00

A New York Times Notable Book of 2011
A Publisher's Weekly Top 10 Book of 2011
A Kirkus Reviews Top 25 Best Fiction of 2011 Title
One of Library Journal's Best Books of 2011
One of The Telegraph’s Best Fiction Books of the Year 2011

I done reading this last night.

I enjoyed reading this book - like how I did his other 3 books. He made it very involving and thoughtful. To compare his previous-Middlesex, this is not a masterpiece (I must say) but eminently readable and certainly it brought up experience of the late twentieth century distinct and vibrant. I enjoy how brilliantly the narrator bring all characters to life. You instantly attached to this story.

To remind you, this is a literature novel, do not expect to read a literary novel if you looking for something fun and relax. You will know that the writer put a lot of reading before he done with this one- is the genre form of which that work is representative. It is about people and love.

Despite my excitement to finish and to know the ending, I am saddened by the fact that I done with this book. I hate this feeling when I have to pick a new book and ride another journey. Okay I may sound dramatic a little bit, but since I moved here 7 months ago, book is my best-friend. When I am lonely, worry, and most importantly when I am so low self esteem; thinking why I've been put up here, when I have so much to prove there, feeling so vulnerable, hopeless if I may put it, I turned to book. It calmed me down. Am I depress? Maybe.

But after reading so much (not that I brag about it but it knocked some sense in my head-so I wish), and trying to accept whatever it is happening in this life, I am asking myself, is it even all worth it? Who am I trying to impress now? I stop blaming long time ago but I never make peace to myself. Maybe this is not what I want after-all? Am I obliged to fulfill someone else dream? - I am just tired but not physically, emotionally. No wonder I always blame people who bring happiness to me because, I am scared it's not real after-all.

I learned, to get through this life you only have yourself to rely on. Not even your parents, so take charge- I told myself. But do I have courage to? But, come back to The Marriage Plot, please have a good time reading it, be patience while you doing that.

Fall Apart

2011-12-13T14:13:00.002+08:00

I don't know what gets into me lately.

I am not (that) excited to go home (not like I used to) and to celebrate Christmas. (I love Jesus and I miss being in His house but the fact that people makes it commercial not religious anymore, that annoyed the hell out of me). Instead I want to be somewhere else, as remote as Cambodia.

I get annoyed easily when people keep doing the countdown on Facebook or matter of fact Twitter everyday. I mean lets be logical, if it's 14 days yesterday obviously it is going to be 13 today, what is so hard about it? Don't let me start rambling about the Christmas shopping update, I get enough of what people shop and how many days spent in shopping. When particularly here in Kuching you can't really shop- not only the choices are limited but also not worth the price, I rather run amok shopping on last few days before Christmas in KK- knowing that there have more than 1 malls to be crazy with.

Anyway it just that, people missing the whole point about Christmas, it is about you and Jesus. About what it is mean celebrating His birthday (religiously), not exactly about the myth of Santa Clause, and nightmare of Christmas gifts. O well, when come to this I am too serious, just excuse how irrationally serious I reacted about these whole thing, it just disappoint me personally.

I've been reading quite a lot lately.

I am still reading The Marriage Plot by Jeffrey Eugenidas. I take my own sweet time for books I love, because I have this habit going back to pages trying to understand the connection of the story- or unavoidable trying to read behind the words. I am half-way done though. But in the mean time, I am also reading Charles Dickens story The Old Curiosity Shop (Weekly serial in Master Humphrey's Clock, 25 April 1840, to 6 February 1841). When I am reading 2 books at the same period of time, I will read one classic and one contemporary, it easy to remember the story when I resume where I stop. I am planning to re-read The Catcher in the Rye, I find it amusing on my first read.

Maybe the reason why I can easily throw my annoyance lately, (maybe) because I am trying to find peace to myself. Accepting how things fall apart, why people behave certain behavior, and how complicated my family background is. Perhaps, when the real picture came into place, it scared you a little bit of how you gonna move on from there. There are things that we can't choose to keep, but forced to learn to let it go. Perhaps that's what make life difficult, other than people.

But, I still want to go home for Christmas. Having dinner and supper with family and siblings is the best time in my life. I am sure it is time for family, that you can not buy even with expensive book.

You Choose

2011-12-03T21:23:00.001+08:00

You give up with life.

You choose to be selfish, leaving all the mess.

You choose to ignore others struggles, because you think you've done enough.

You choose to just watch without a slight consideration.

You choose to believe what you thought is right.

You choose not to listen while we grief.

You choose to give up.

But, I am not you. Therefore, I will live.

I hope you know this.

Popular bookfair sale

2011-12-03T12:45:00.001+08:00

*Popular is a bookstore name.

I had 8.44am breakfast date with friend. You need to wake up early for good breakfast here. The best Laksa Sarawak will sold out at 10 a.m. so after breakfast my friend mentioned to me about this Popular book-fair sale that giving discount up to 70%, I went wild. I spent almost RM130 for 7 books. But I am so happy and it solved my Christmas gift shopping. This year everyone will get book as Christmas gift.

Read

2011-12-01T22:10:00.001+08:00

I just finished reading this crazy witty book!

“Among other things, you’ll find that you’re not the first person who was ever confused and frightened and even sickened by human behavior. You’re by no means alone on that score, you’ll be excited and stimulated to know. Many, many men have been just as troubled morally and spiritually as you are right now. Happily, some of them kept records of their troubles. You’ll learn from them - if you want to. Just as someday, if you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you. It’s a beautiful reciprocal arrangement. And it isn’t education. It’s history. It’s poetry."

A must read book. I had a great time with this book.

It's over

2011-11-26T22:43:00.001+08:00

This is me telling you I'm breaking up with you. I do not want to be in this relationship anymore. Bye. - Me

I don't deserved to be treated like a door-mate
like someone else option
like a doll with no heart

So I decided to walked away
I don't give you chance to destroy myself esteem
I love myself enough to walk away
I remember life is too short for bullshit

I don't get why people can fake love

To inspire you

2011-11-26T09:34:00.001+08:00

Quoted, Chuck Palahniuk.

2011-11-19T12:57:00.001+08:00

Dear you,

“What I want is to be needed.

What I need is to be indispensable to somebody.

Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention.

Somebody addicted to me.

A mutual addiction.”

To tell you the truth, I just want all that.

Sincerely, Me.

Books Keep me Sane

2011-11-18T23:39:00.001+08:00

'The book links together 11 characters, each sharply drawn in separate chapter. Read singly, each would be a good short story. Together they make an excellent novel. Readers will look forward to Mr. Rachman's next.' (The Economist)

Done 353 pages of Tom Rachman, I can agree with the review made by The Economist. It was a great read. Very engaging and displayed in a very intelligent way of telling stories. I must say he is one of my favorite writer (now). My 2012 book list, down to 48 books!

When I was on the plane for 1 hour 40 minutes flight, I was listening to 'Beautiful Mess' by Jason Mraz. I am so amazed and amused at the same time, how well Mraz's song relate to myself, to my feeling, in many ways. I kept repeating the song. Will I ever get tired of it?

That's me- repeating. The same mistakes, the same history, the same heartaches. Sometimes, I have this bullheaded attitude that I will try against all odd. I know it's tiring.

For that I've been in a state of absentmindedly. I lost my focus, I zone out too often than to remember what was I doing at that time. Until, I lost my wallet (that I brought that day) luckily I separated my bank cards, survived from my carelessness. I am not really myself lately, I wish I never been in this emotional turmoil. I hate it (every time it happens).

So, I got my book. I waited so long for this. I keep saying about this book to my friends, and of course how I adore the writer. I've been waiting for this book since early this year. It's an agony you know, I mean the waiting. And now, I keep flipping first page, wanting so badly to get started, smelling it every now and then. But then, old books giving me some kind of look- as if I betrayed them. They arrived first, but still untouched. I didn't even smell them. How to justify that? I am very much excited. As if it took away all my sorrow ; I'm totally broke, problems with career and relationship. But with this, its like having a new boyfriend. Can you feel it? No? Aren't you excited? O well, I love books more than I love men.

That's just me, I get all excited for no reason. Sometimes, it kills me. Because excitement lead to expectation. Expectation usually lead to sadness.

At least, book doesn't give me heartache. Doesn't let me lost my senses and it let me stay focus. Books keep me sane, while love make me sick.

2011-11-16T02:07:00.001+08:00

WHY

I so hurt

Coffee?

2011-11-14T17:33:00.001+08:00

Life is tiring. Take a break.

Like English Grammar, is suffering.

Read me to Sleep

2011-11-13T16:03:00.001+08:00

I remember when he read me a book, I keep saying go on after page of pages. Maybe at 10 pages he gave up, he told me I won't fall asleep. Because I am the girl who love story, who read book, and I got easily pampered when someone reading it for me. But he did continue reading, and I fell asleep (at last). I long for that person. That type of man. Who know me well, read me well. Who have that confidence. But I guess life is not all about what you want - or maybe I haven't found one yet.

Actually, I dream about this man last night and the night before. When I have those dream, I always wake up missing him. Is that bad? I am not sure.

After my 2011 reading list done, I work on my 2012 list. My aim is 50 books. I alread finised 1 so I have 49 to go-I just can't wait. My list only at 26 now, I have half number to fill. I am getting excited because the more I research of good writer, the more I realized how virgin I am in this book-reading-hobby. So many good writer out there, living and dead. I am very excited.

While my family problem and love problem consume most of my breathing right now, I only can go to book as my refuge. I don't know why this two seems so hard to reconcile. I wish God see this, I already have my family which I can not choose to love or hate, I have to dealt with it. But love life. This just reminded me of what I went through before. I have no strength to fight alone. Because that's just me, vulnerable.

As all this linger around my head. I pray to God to bring me to calmness and right mind, how to tackle this. And I go back to re-read A Thousand Splendid Sun, every time I read this book, I always have new feeling and discovering new thing, that much I love his writing.

I know, this life of me having too much time for reading won't last long, I know when I got a job (new job or new place) that will consumed most of my time, I'll miss this. I will long to curl up to bed and inside the blanket and read, therefore I embrace this. I embrace this with lots of love.

I know life is tough, reality hurt. But I can not give up just yet.

You start with

2011-11-11T09:15:00.001+08:00

pressure to have good grades in school, then to the bestcourse in university,

pressure to have boyfriend, and get married with richhusband, then

pressure to get pregnant before 35, and also to excel inyour job, some

pressure to have property before 30, and at the same time tohave proper saving,

pressure to have Master Degree, because the whole wide worlddoing it,

pressure to live up your parents dream, while you want to bea singer (example),

pressure to fit in a definition you never agree,

pressure to live in a very judgmental society,

pressure to breath in class of profession,

pressure to have a good shape when you enjoy food so much,and maybe finally,

pressure to live in your own expectation.

Give me a break.

sincerely

Maya Angelou in The Paris Review

2011-11-10T23:48:00.001+08:00

Every human being has paid the earth to grow up. Most people don’t grow up. It’s too damn difficult. What happens is most people get older. That’s the truth of it.

They honor their credit cards, they find parking spaces, they marry, they have the nerve to have children, but they don’t grow up. Not really. They get older.

But to grow up costs the earth, the earth. It means you take responsibility for the time you take up, for the space you occupy. It’s serious business.

And you find out what it costs us to love and to lose, to dare and to fail. And maybe even more, to succeed. What it costs, in truth. Not superficial costs—anybody can have that—I mean in truth. That’s what I write. What it really is like. I’m just telling a very simple story.

Done!

2011-11-07T20:27:00.001+08:00

Finally, my 2011 reading list cleared.
It was tough and joyful journey at the same time.

Now, I need to work on my 2012 reading list.

Definitely better and longer list.

Noli Me Tangere,
by far the longest and hardest book.
It took me almost 3 years to finish.
I stop (I think) almost 1 year period without touching that book.
This book has a lot of mixture memories, but I love that book.
It was hard read for me but it was a great read,
I paused a lot just to understand the meaning of the stories or sentence.
And I plan to re-read it again.

While The Carrie Diaries was the easiest one, 2 nights for that book.

Suicide

2011-11-07T18:19:00.000+08:00

If you ever thought of that, read this.

I borrowed a story from my friend, chatting with me this morning via Facebook Chat.

One day my friend meeting with her friends for coffee, then they were talking about all other friends who no longer active in Facebook. Specially this one guy who no longer in her friend's list, she never recall that she deleted him from her Facebook. Then her friend announced in a sad tone that he passed away recently. My friend was shocked to received such news, and asked caused of death. To add the unbearable sad news, he actually committed suicide. That's just traumatized.

My friend told me that he was a happy friend, never mention about problems in family or even life, very rare. I commented that, usually the strongest or the happiest person, is one that vulnerable and fragile inside them. Well they are happy people and strong people, but not all are happy and strong inside. Usually when these (seems) happy people tell you one fine day that he is not happy, no body actually listen of perhaps believe him. Then usually these (seems) happy people will just keep everything inside. Little that we know everyone regardless a king have problem and have to go through a phase in their life to be sad.

My friend reminded me not to keep everything inside if I ever have problems, tell my family or friends. Don't hurt them, and God. I made a promise that I will.

Eventually we, most of the time lack of this skill ; listening. Most of the time we just want to listen what we want to hear. Morale of the story no one is perfect no matter how strong and happy they are, everyone need someone to listen. I pray for you, for me, and everyone else who been keeping everything inside them, to remember that we have God, may we be strong to not hurting ourselves. Death is not the answer of any problem. There is no price to pay to keep a positive thinking in life. In fact, you just need to find someone that will listen to you, all problems have solutions.

When we pray and when we don't hear anything from God, remember a teacher will not talks during a test. God promise to us, that everything will be alright if you put your trust in Him.

I love you, God.

pinky skies

2011-11-06T08:18:00.001+08:00

yesterday sunset

Dearest,

2011-11-05T21:18:00.000+08:00

Fall in love when you are ready,

NOT when you are lonely.

Sincerely.

Morning Music

2011-11-05T12:43:00.000+08:00

Getting up from bed on gloomy Saturday morning is challenging.

I mean if only I could stop my neighbour from doing his/her piano practice early in the morning that harassing my beauty sleep, it will be my victory for a start.

But since I don't know which house that piano sound came from and to compliment that the sound is not that bad at all, I endure. Dragging my already heavy feet to washroom, to wash my face and open the sliding door in my house to allowed some light to come in.

(photo : courtesy from tumblr)

Life.

I love piano sound. I love how it serenading these whole place this morning. I remember someone who really good at piano when I was still a kid-wishing when I grow up I can be like him, not knowing its involved practices, lessons, and money. He still fond in my memories. Sometimes in my ungrateful wish that my parents has a little bit of awareness while raising us, perhaps sending us to music class doesn't make any harm at all, except their pocket. But, being a self thought guitar I know music is not just on a piece of notes paper, but in your very heart. I accepted my situation.

“Because a song can take you back instantly to a moment,

or a place, or even a person.

no matter what else has changed in you or the world,

that one song stays the same, just like that moment.”

(Sarah Dessen)

I should continue my fasting today, but since I woke up pretty late, I don't think my stomach will keep calm and quiet the whole day without something to start with. I decided weekend I will just rest from all these religious promise that I made to God. Afterall, if I insist it will not be a sincere prayer from me. God is good, He is understanding and I believe for so much reasons that one to be near to Him, He will let you come by yourself- out of force, out of malice.

"But you, O Lord, are a shield for me,

my glory and the one who lifts up my head."

Psalm

I made myself coffee then. Read few pages from book - What the Bayou Saw by Patti Lacy. Do some online. And I end-up worrying about things that I try to avoid thinking- the future. That makes me stop writing as well.

(photo : courtesy from tumblr)

But I convinced myself, I will be fine ;

“Life is a series of adjustments;

You can make changes along the way,

but if you don’t start moving forward you’ll never get anywhere!”

Kimora Lee Simmons

By the way, this Queen of Fabulosity is in Kuala Lumpur this weekend. I missed that.

Question

2011-10-30T13:33:00.001+08:00

How to get there?

Pustaka Negeri Sarawak

2011-10-29T18:57:00.001+08:00

At 12.45PM

The rain that started as early as 6 a.m has stop-while writing this. I was reading since morning, in bed moved to sofa, then finally settled at computer desk.

As much as I love staying home with the cooling weather, Ishall have a little bit movement. Perhaps I should visit the state nationallibrary- I've been meaning to visit the library few months back but so busy went in and out of Sarawak. I heard the library is big. I must confirm myself. I can bring my own book orrather see what they have in there.

Anyway, speaking of book. I put an order at MPH (The Spring, Kuching) for The Marriage Plotby Jeffrey Eugenides. But until now, I have not received any words from them. I just hopethey did not misplaced my order, as I am waiting to have that book on my hand.

Caution: The title of the book should not be read literally,it doesn't teach you how to be the perfect wife. Thank you.

Library I went.

I had my almost 2 hours uninterrupted time for reading. Assoon as I arrived, I went straight to find book and took the first book thatcaught my attention The Asian Renaissance by Anwar Ibrahim, then pick a seatand do my reading non-stop. At 61 pages my stomach already making sound. I makemy way home with promise a future visit to finish that book.

The library was in the other side of Kuching town;apparently it is quite a distance from the place I live. But when I arrived itwas so serene and surrounded with beautiful small garden in front and the otherside of the building facing a very peaceful man-made pond. The building is hugeand the book collection enormous. I would love to spend a day in there-reading.

The last photo taken from Wikipedia.

While the rest from my iPhone.

From Choruses of The Rock by T.S. Eliot quoted from the book I read ;

All our knowledge brings us nearer to our ignorance ;

All our ignorance brings us nearer to death,

But nearness to death no nearer to God,

Where is the life we have lost in living,

where is the wisdom we have lost in knowledge,

where is the knowledge we have lost in information?

Logos Hope

2011-10-29T10:23:00.002+08:00

I was excited. But like usual the excitement doesn't last long enough. The ship kinda small, the book selection not that much. But I manage to grab few novels.

Isolation

2011-10-28T10:17:00.001+08:00

If you’re going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don’teven start.

This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives andmaybe even your mind.
It could mean not eating for three or four days.
It couldmean jail.
It could mean derision.
It could mean mockery—isolation. Isolationis the gift.

All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much youreally want to do it.
And, you’ll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds.
And it will be better than anything else you can imagine.
If you’re going totry, go all the way.
There is no other feeling like that.
You will be alonewith the gods, and the nights will flame with fire.
You will ride life straightto perfect laughter.
It’s the only good fight there is.

Or otherwise, go confidently in thedirection of your dreams.
Live the life you’ve imagined.

(book read)

That's explained!

2011-10-27T19:24:00.002+08:00

Not medically proven though, as my source is Google the great. I stand to be corrected.

But this is just funny for sharing.

And if, this is to be the guide for us woman, then it's explained a lot of things. I must agree with Ally McBeal, that "there's no sin loving man, only pain.". Speaking of pain, a lot of them. When you read that chart, pay attention the smallest dot. You will be surprise that, "listening particle" almost a dot!

Enjoy reflecting.

A Man Without A Country

2011-10-26T21:18:00.000+08:00

Quoted.

“Go into the arts. I’m not kidding. The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven’s sake. Sing in the shower. Dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem to a friend, even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possible can. You will get an enormous reward. You will have created something.”

—	Kurt Vonnegut

Cloudy

2011-10-24T22:35:00.002+08:00

This is when I have to stop for traffic light. The cloud seems near the ground.

The view just amazing.

Taken from my iPhone camera. When I saw this beautiful cloud, I remember beach.
The color just so stunning.

Extra Miles

2011-10-23T21:28:00.002+08:00

I must say, I am beginning to love my life here in Kuching. Not because of particular food. Not even particular person, or things. But I think I'm learning how to endure things. I am more calmer in a sense that when sad things happened, my heart doesn't pump really hard like it used to be, just beat slowly and calmly. It can manage in accepting heartaches.

Its been awhile since my last post, as usual I always missing-in-action. Rest assured, I am still here nothing much change since my last post. I still have no TV, drinking the same type of wine, and doing the same kind of hobbies - read and online.

I think I have learn to be a good loner as well. I eat alone, go to mall alone, in bookstore alone, having coffee alone. Most of the time I am alone. I can not deny sometimes it is heart breaking, but I learned to enjoy what I have, make use all of the free time I have for myself. I count my blessing.

It was a long week, been traveling within Sarawak.

I was given short notice to Sarikei for 2 days meeting. In order to get to Sarikei, I have to take Maswings via ATR 72, it is a twin-engine turboprop short-haul regional airliner. It took 40 minutes flying from Kuching to Sibu. Then from Sibu I have to endure 55 minutes driving to Sarikei.

My experience flying via ATR was cautious and nervous. It is kinda a small plane but eventually it flied stably on air, maybe the engine sound that scared me.While on the road to Sarikei, it was bumpy even though I was overwhelmed to see green everywhere and breathing the fresh air, I got mild road sick- I wish the road less bumpy.

Sarikei, for me is a small humble town. The biggest hotel is less than 3 stars. It is an agriculture town, and famous with pineapple. Shop will close as early as 6 p.m. and then after that, Sarikei is a dead town. But I figured people are care-less living their simple life, and I must say happier there. I had their local specialty, Loh Mee and Roti Bakar for breakfast - and forgive me, I can't remember the old coffee shop name. But trust me there's not many coffee shop in Sarikei, you will eventually found one near police station.

I went to Sibu town before catching the last flight to Kuching. But I don't have the opportunity to go around, but Sibu much developed than Sarikei. I promised myself to stay one night in Sibu for my next trip and remember to take picture with proper camera. Sibu's airport is still under renovation, 3 hours enduring the dust from the construction, noisy sound from left and right of the airport, and not working air-conditioning, while waiting for last flight to Kuching was my worst nightmare. But, there's nothing much everyone can do.

After Sarikei-Sibu, I went to Miri and Limbang.

Miri was my 4th trip. After Kuching's office, Miri's branch office is the busiest one compared to another 5 branches offices. I flew in the morning arrived 8 a.m. in Miri then drove straight to Limbang, the road trip took me 3 hours and 40 minutes. Most of my road journey was in Brunei.

I was told by my driver and I was really amazed to find that all schools in Brunei is English medium, the reason of my amazement the emphasize of English medium school in a very much Islamic country, clearly the King understood for his people to go further English is very much important. While on the road in Brunei, I took the opportunity to listen to their local radio station, and I also listened to the King's speech on the opening a new school. Even though, there's so many things Brunei need to catch up with us (Malaysian) in term of infrastructure, but when come to the well being of the citizen, I must salute the King.

Well, I arrived Limbang with mild road sick too, I blame the car and bumpy road. Limbang is very much small town to me. They have 2 KFC there but it is still a very humble town. I spent almost 4 hours in Limbang for work and it did went well. We drove back to Miri for an overnight stay before resume my work in Miri's office next day.

I have a lot to share what happened lately. Specially the heartaches. But I realized I had a long day today as well, my eyes getting heavy.

It was raining the whole day today and the cloud turned gloomy. The weather so chilling that I woke up late and continued spent few hours reading book and chatting on the phone, in bed. When I finally get up from bed, I remember I need to find cobbler in Kuching to fix my favorite 4 inches black heels (2 of them). Because it's already 1 p.m. when I decided to do that, I was excited, and got out from the house forgotten to bring my house key when I locked the door closed. So I was stuck between the house grill and the house door.

Trust me, it was embarrassing though specially when I have to explain to my neighbor. I had to call my landlord. This is the second time it happened to me, and I don't know why I never learn. And the fact that I am so absentminded lately, scared me. My landlord was kind enough on Sunday came and rescue me, he told me he wanted to laugh but he don't dare when he saw my disappointed face. And then, he offered to drive me around to find the cobbler. While doing so, we break twice for coffee and we exchanged stories about our busy life. I pick up here and there about people attitude and lessons in life, that made me wondering around. Perhaps, I will share with you next time.

I am more calmer now, maybe because I have ample time spent on thinking alone. And I think, I need to have company for wine sessions next time.

Say NO to emotional abuse

2011-10-23T12:56:00.000+08:00

White Socks and Warm Blanket

2011-10-08T10:50:00.001+08:00

I decided to stay home today (and apparently the entire weekend). Not only because I am having this ridiculous pain in my stomach, but also because it is raining (also the entire weekend is raining). I figured, when the weather is so gloomy, is best spending time reading.

I started the day with noodle. Instant one. I cooked in the microwave the only cooking utilities that I have in this house. It is a curry noodle the brand best known to everyone, I like it with egg. I had hot green tea afterwards.

It's been 5 months I live without Television.I only been sitting in front of the screen when I am home to KK & KL. So far, I just rely on Internet. I make sure I paid my Internet bill on time, that includes both my smart phones. Apart from Internet, I make sure I have plenty of books. In fact, I have 10 more books (after I finished 2 books in 3 days) before the year end. I ought to finished all 10 before new year.

It is not that bad at all, I mean having no Television. I think when we choose to believe that we will be just fine, eventually that positive attitude will helps us find our away.

I finished 2 books in 3 days. Because having to endure such a pain in my stomach (every month) I manage to just stay in bed and read book. I particularly stay in the house nursing myself, as this month it pain exceptionally unbearable. I almost went to the Doctor, but I managed to just cried it out.

With that, I finished reading Candace Bushnell's novel Carries Diaries. It is a very light read for me, in fact easy to grasp the whole story. Having to watch Sex and The City, reading the beginning of Carries is like going through to matching puzzle, I wish to read more the Carries Diaries though. I have lots of fun with this stories, never was my high school as exciting as theirs, mine is more about passing exam being a good student and of course few puppy love.

Then I went on finishing newly bought from recent trip to KL, Haruki Murukami's novel, Norwegian Wood. This novel is very moving. Among many issues discuss in this book is about sex and death. How matured we regards both in our real life. In my life sex is a very taboo topic. Never was I listen to my parents directly giving advice about it, perhaps they did try to give us some form of idea how dangerous it is and for me it drawn more to protect them from shame ; pregnant out of wedlock, abortion etc.

While death, most people around me avoid discussing it. It is a sad topic after all, who want to discuss death over expensive latte? But in this novel, it gave me another different perspective. I mean, how to understand both issues. And in the end, I knew that the character all are lonely people, thirst for love. And as to understand, loneliness is the worst enemy. I would like to re-read this book again after I finished with the other 10, to understand deeper the literature.

I did went to Youtube and listen to Norwegian Wood by Beatles for the first time.

I have so many things that I wanted to type in relation to books I read, but sometimes forming sentences is not easy, and to avoid revealing too much is another responsibilities. Perhaps, we took what we understand and try to manifest it not only in words but also in action.

Rain & Coffee

2011-10-07T13:04:00.000+08:00

What does it means when great mind says, "follow your heart".

How does one knows what can the heart decide?

Coffee, anyone?

Apple

2011-10-07T12:38:00.001+08:00

Steve Jobs

(1955-2011)

“Almost everything–all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure–these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.

Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose.

You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”

Rest In Peace

Flip Coin

2011-10-04T10:57:00.001+08:00

I think being married is not the final destination for everyone who is a relationship. Because what happen if one of them die? I think marriage is not final destination for everyone. We have our destination that for a fact everyone knows it, death.

So, in a relationship expectation for happily-ever-after is bullshit, or forever-love for is a lie, maybe delusional. Only in God, love is forever. I think everyone should learn to grow mature in a relationship, learn life from each other, living in the moment less regret lots of hope, and most of all to be a better person than yesterday.

Even if you are a couple, you still own a soul, yours. Only you feel what inside you. Only your mind that can lead you to an outrages imagination. So, I think no matter how strong the relationship is, you still need time for yourself. Even if you have children, they don’t belong to you, in the end they grown as a person and having their own life.

But of course we can't denied that we still need family for some sense of belonging- in theory it is soundedbeautiful but in reality I don’t quite sure whats that even mean.

My mind clearly lost even when I written this down.

While in KLIA

2011-10-02T18:37:00.002+08:00

courtesy image

Malaysian Airlines once again delayed my flight to Kuching. Stranded inside this cold temperature building is not really an enjoyable situation. Yes, I have books but my mind too wild going around thinking about a lot of things, i.e. work, flying to Miri tomorrow- so I decided to go nearby cafe to have hot tea without sugar hope to calm me down but only to experience being charged RM6.50 for a simple English Breakfast Ahmad Tea London brand. That RM6.50 cup of tea doesn't justified the temperature inside this building.

This trip I bought 7 magazines (Wallpaper, Times, Newsweek, Her World, etc) and 4 new books, I also packed 4 books that stored at my old apartment.

Books and magazines are very expensive in Kuching, for example Time you can get RM10 in KL while in Kuching RM18.

I wish books will get cheaper by year, sometimes I feel it's too expensive but knowing the writing that count I try not to feel bad about it. Unlike others who crazy about gadget I prefer to be surrounded with books. I think I will be able to read more than what I did last months.

I promise myself to stop buying shoe and handbag at least a year, I hope it will have my mind to focus on reading. Another reason why for this big step is because in Kuching not so many people can appreciate my footwear style and the height, I feel down whenever they stare at my feet and giving me that sympathy look. Just depressing.

O! Please get me home I have early flight tomorrow and I seriously need to pack for that not to mention 7 hours uninterrupted sleep.

Until next time.

Welcome Again!

2011-10-02T10:58:00.001+08:00

This is the 27th October in my life. As to date we have another 84 days to Christmas, and 90 days before another new year resolution. This October we will have 5 Sundays, 5 Saturdays, and 5 Mondays - they said it is good luck.

During this month of the year, being a Catholic my family observing the Rosary, I remember how reluctant us the children in the house to perform this prayer every time October (in fact also in the month of May came), and I am not really sure when was the last I performed full month Rosary prayer I can't even promise I will this month. (In His name may I will be guided)

And my boyfriend will be away for 6 months. No everyday telephone call, no constantly BlackBerry massages, no meet up too. Sad. But I hope it will teaches us (specially me) something for our relationship.

So welcome back October, may I will be better than I was in September. Lets just live life!

Hand in Hand

2011-10-01T20:25:00.000+08:00

We are all travelers in the wilderness of this world, and the best we can find in our travels is an honest friend.

And for that my friend remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That's why it's a comfort to go hand in hand.

And to be honest, there's time when we need to lower our expectation even with the people we call friend.

Blue sky

2011-09-18T10:43:00.000+08:00

Talking is good, even talking about little nothing.

(imagine this) You sit and did not checked at who sitting beside you, then look at the sky and say 'the sky is so blue so beautiful' pretending that the other person sitting next to you is actually listening. I never try talking to a stranger and sit on the bench looking for blue sky.

Because beautiful blue sky usually emerges in the morning, when I am on my way to work trying to fight the traffic jam and never look at the sky or during weekend when I spent half of the morning in bed, thinking why I am still alive of try to read books that I purposely put next to my pillow.

I never sit on the bench look at the blue sky and talk to total stranger how beautiful the sky is.

Everyone need to talk.

Before humankind (specially the young generation) buried with technology and how wonderful technology created fantasies to our life, people used to gather in small coffee shop, in the front porch of their house, or just plan for lunch date, just for a talk or two (they called it). Letting out their thought, their emotions, and offer their thought. Somehow talking can touches a person life (even a total stranger)-simply because we showed that we care. But today, when we have Internet with one click connected to millions people without looking at them, phone calls, etc - we rarely have the real talking, even in one own home.

I miss talking to real person. Go to coffee shop exchange thoughts. I miss seeing their emotion while they talking, response spontaneously, or even listen when they pronounce the words.

I guess I should find a bench I can sit with a stranger and tell not just how blue the sky is but also I miss talking to someone.

Oscar Wilde from ‘A Picture Of Dorian Gray’

2011-09-18T10:20:00.001+08:00

LIfe

2011-09-16T12:09:00.001+08:00

Issac.

Is a friend's nephew, which instantly became my nephew too. Adorable little boy turned one year old. But I didn't go the night he celebrating his year old birthday with his closed family. I just think he should be surrounded with people that he will grow up with not with stranger (me) who only come and go in his early age - probably he can't even remember by the time he six. But by the way, I sent him gift. Books.

Digi.

The telco that so pain in the ass. I moved my study desk to northeast part of the living room, and finally the internet start working. Possible that the signal are only directed to that side. Sucks big time!

Regatta.

A regatta is a series of boat races. The term typically describes racing events of rowed or sailed water craft happening this weekend in Kuching. I plan to go tomorrow for beautiful (subjective because I am not good with camera) pictures, but only if I manage to talk to my body to wake up early.

Conclusion,

You need to feel alive in a place. If its comfortable life but you feel dead inside you, that's when you don't live life you just going through life- eventually, less meaning.

p/s: Happy Malaysia's Day.

Undefined

2011-09-12T12:20:00.001+08:00

I want to tell my Dad that I can't live up to his expectation.
I want to tell my Mom that I am not that girl who get married have children and cursing life after.
I want to tell my siblings I am not perfect I am actually lost most of the time.
I want to tell my friends that I can't cope with this life and I just need them to be real and not judgmental.
I want to tell my boyfriend that half of the time he doesn't get me at all.

And when I am this vulnerable, I want to tell God that I am give up, so please take me home.
I am just depress.

Feel it.

2011-09-01T14:39:00.002+08:00

Now, I can agree with one of my best-friend's observation about me, "You are a homey person, you love staying at home attached with Internet or books or even magazine most of the time, so stop complaining." That was when I've been complaining non-stop about this boring city I live in now, compared to the one I moved from.

Well yes, for example today I've been sitting in front on this netbook reading some articles from website, and also been reading some business magazines (that I bought while waiting in Airports) since 8 a.m in this morning, only get up to get coffee and doing morning ritual in the toilet. I mean I have not taking morning shower at 2 p.m for the day.

I feel dizzy and I need to rush to shower before I get headache.

(But before that, let me just finished this post)

The beauty about being here, again my ample of free time doing what I love. Read and online.

I am a strong believer in promoting reading habit - even though I don't read much compared to some people I know in my life. Compared to 5 months ago I barely read a pages of novel but now it's different. The only material that I have yet to be reconcile with is the local newspapers. I am still contemplating to take it up again, because I just feel the local newspapers are too bias. But in another note, I believe that reading from many different materials help develops critical thinking by questioning the media from pros and cons. It just that I need time for that.

In the mean time let me just focus on my reading, I seriously need to keep up to improve myself.

Speaking about time, I do take my own sweet time trying to lose weight.

I do run 45 minutes every alternate days, watch my meals, taking more fruit and vegetable, cut on my Starbucks intake and drinking 8 glass of water each day. But I don't do this "food diet"- the diet where you choose not to eat certain food- instead, I am working on eating in small portion. But it is hard, when you live in Malaysia with range of a lot of good food from different cultures, is challenging. But I got to do it.

Why?- reason that I am not ready to discuss with you. Maybe next time.

So, this morning I was reading an article in the Economist website - by the way I always keep coming back to Economist for good read - about more women in corporate world (Women are storming emerging ; world boardrooms -http://www.economist.com/node/21526872).

It's inspired me to have some certainty in mind about (personal) goals in life and focusing in getting them. One of the problem (in my opinion) faced by many career women is finding the perfect balance between career advancement and personal achievement (marriage-children-LV bags-etc). It is tough the same degree of toughness with losing weight-so pain in the ass - but I guess it worth the try.

I told myself this morning, having too much problems in my head (you name it financial, family, boyfriend, job-not even a career, etc) I should not be so hard on myself. Lets just take this ride and enjoy it. But, in quick second the other part of my brain telling me, 'time wait no one-even the king'. I panicked! I sipped my coffee and slap myself (not literally) - Your brain can be your worse enemy (sometimes).

Well, time flies really fast. It's September already.

In Philippines the Christmas preparation start as early as September (was told by a Pinoy's friend of mine). I love September, just as simple as pronouncing it - 'Sept-tem-ber'. I want to be marry on September. As to date counted we have 116 days to go for Christmas. It is more burden in spiritual than in material for me. Trust me. I have problem preparing spiritual about Christmas. (As I pray less nowadays-but who are you to judge?)

In random note, I have not been sleeping well lately.

I think because of the placing of my bed. I intend to move it to different arrangement but I still need to wait for my inner drive to do it. That's another problem about me since I moved here, I always wait for 'feeling' to start doing something. For example, when I am hungry but doesn't have the feeling to eat. So I waited until I have the feeling to eating something. It can be as random as the feeling to eat raw tomato with salt.

Now, I have the feeling to stop typing instead. Haven't I rant too much too random here?

It's all about heels.

2011-08-27T10:44:00.000+08:00

Marilyn Monroe once said, “I don’t know who inventedhigh heels, but all women owe him a lot.” - I concur that.

Being a shoe lover specially high heels 4 inches or above, I’ve spent my not-so-much-money on heels too much and too often. And most of the time I suffered from the pain wearing one. But there's few tips I picked up from some articles (summarized below).

Highheels never go out of style with true fashionistas, sometimes with stunning heels it can turn a simple dress to a signature look. But being fashionable isn'talways comfortable.
If you are a slave to high heels you might also suffer fromcorns, bunions, and fallen arches.

Luckily, there are ways to make them lessharmful to your feet (and not just by spending RM1000+ on an elite designerpair), but by choosing the right one.

1. Narrow heels and stilettos look beston people with a more slender build, and with fashions that are lean andslimming. While people with heavier builds should look at platformsor thicker heels to keep things looking balanced and proportional.

Stilettos

Thicker heels

      2.   Pick your color and style.Basic black is the classic look for a high heeled shoe or boot, but wildercolors can be pulled off. There are many styles, from boots to pumps,slingbacks, and sandals.

      Tips : Remember that the more open the shoe, the less supportit will provide.

boots

Pumps

Sandals

Slingbacks

      3.     Get the right fit.Due to the stresses of wearing heels, make sure that the shoe really fits!

     Takeyour time about trying them on, and once you have a pair that you like, spendsome time walking in them in the store. Stand in them; if there are anyproblems, your feet will tell you rather quickly.

Test: is to standon the floor in the shoes with your knees straight. Now try to raise yourselfon your toes so there's at least an inch of space under the heels. If you can'tdo that, the heels are too high, and you shouldn't wear them; you'll end upwalking and standing with your knees bent.

    4. Practice walking at home before takingyour heels out. Get your feet used to them slowly; try towear them for 15-30 minutes at a time, then take them off and take a break.

   When you walk, make sure you keep your heels vertical; DO NOT roll to the side!Especially with higher heels, this will lead to the heel slipping and cause youto fall. Practice turning in heels; you need to be deliberate in your steps, oryou risk tripping yourself up.

      You'll notice that heels cause your step to beshorter; this is normal. The higher the heel, the shorter your step will be.Don't try to stride like you would in sneakers.

5. Styles with a slight platform underthe toe area tend to be more comfortable as they minimize the angle andpressure on the ball of the foot.

Platform under the toe

   Anna Held, Polish-born stage performer once said - “It is allvery well for so-called sensible people to recommend flat heels and shortskirts, but most of us prefer not to be sensible.”

    There's no need for me to tell you we love heels so much, some of us just choose to be insensible.

*none of the pictures are my shoe, the articles summarize from many articles. Courtesy to Google.

Note-To-Self

2011-08-26T16:39:00.001+08:00

Facebook Me

2011-08-26T16:05:00.001+08:00

(in the morning while doing my report)

: Hereby it is to inform, that my office is out of electricity. For your information, I am torn between going to Starbucks or going home, not only I can't do anything in a dark, it's getting hot in a sauna room. Well, if you want us to have our holiday please says so, don't put us in a funny situation like this.

Working life in Kuching is to understand what is your next choice when the office black-out (1 of it). Cheers peeps!

(in the afternoon when I am hungry)

: This is yesterday's menu ; 1 bowl Laksa Sarawak, 4 pieces of Siew Bee, 1 Cheese Tart, 1 Polo Bun, 1 bowl Kueh Chap, 2 cups of coffee, 1 Chocolate muffin, and 4 pieces of biscuit. And I skipped the jogging. I feel bloated the whole night.

So, I try to avoid food today as I only have 1 bowl of Kolo Mee, 2 cups of Coffee, and Banana. But, I am so hungry now !! (not fair)

If only I can get this now. My eating habit making me scary!

Humble Collection

2011-08-25T19:50:00.000+08:00

Note-To-You

2011-08-25T11:49:00.002+08:00

I may be fat, but I can exercise. But you (bitch), you can’t fix that ugly personality.

Come and Go

2011-08-25T11:24:00.000+08:00

I am back.
(I know this phrase being over-used, and yet it will get hiatus every now and then. But like usual I have no better explanation to give)

Will try to be here more often.

Today marked 13,000 tweets on my personal twitter. The number make me wonder around. Amazed myself to realized how attached I am with the technology, the internet, perhaps the mobile phone.

@sheell : Today man's best friend-Not a dog, but a mobile phone. As twitter & FB is your daily buzz, e-mail is so last week! me hitting 13,000 tweets

Have a great life.

New Place

2011-06-10T19:12:00.006+08:00

So there will be new things to rant about.

Today marked month in Kuching. Month at my new place, almost a month at my new apartment, month in my new office (for the same job) and new lifestyle. I think time went by very slowly here. I feel like this is the longest month of the year (or I've been exaggerating about how slow it was to finish May 2011)

Being deprived from workaholic life (which was my life for the past 2 and half years), deprived from a decent social life, deprived from family and friends and of course beautiful large shopping malls (which contained more than 100 shops), I am pretty much lonely here.

But it is a stress-free life (no doubt about it). I noticed that I smile a lot here. I never get sick. My skin gets better. I read a lot compare to 3 months ago. I drink lots of water even though I don't really enjoy their local food that much. I think everything happened for reason. Somehow this moved is my blessing in disguise.

My only and unbearable problem is that, this place is making me suffering from unimaginable boredom ; terribly bored. Sometimes I think to myself, 'can I die from this boredom?'. At this point of time in my life which I seriously free is (maybe) the best time to have a partner in life - not a dog - a real human partner. But, when come to this issue, I am still traumatized.

But I know great thing will happen I just need to wait and see. Life (at least mine) always a roller coaster ride, and perhaps it is the best time to (come back here and) write nonsense again.

The Phantom of the Opera

2011-04-17T10:30:00.004+08:00

Angel by Sarah Mclachlan

2011-04-10T09:43:00.002+08:00

Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it ok
There's always some reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
They may be empty and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an Angel fly away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference, escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees

In the arms of an Angel far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
In the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here

You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here

Moving-Packing Pt II

2011-04-07T01:19:00.006+08:00

I need someone to press my 'panic' button, if there's such thing as 'panic button'. I am beginning to worry about my packing-moving progress. I've done nothing except putting all the shoes in its boxes, and to be honest by arranging the shoes in shoe's box doesn't really serve the purpose of 'packing'.

Perhaps, I need an expert who understand this packing-moving strategy. Whenever I travel I always forget something, and of course the packing was done last minute. But this time around there is no last minute packing tolerable, this is a real moving that took long time to come back.

The phrase 'took long time to come back' is very sad. This is a moved that will change my lifestyle as well.

There was days when I was driving home from work, I formed all sort of ideas what to do and how I'm gonna do it, but as soon as I stepped into this house, I feel like I'm in total denial. I ignore the small voice within me telling that I should do something, at least sort which one stay which one move.

I hate moving. But I can't wait to go. Ironic.
Till then, see ya.

MD

Know When To Leave

2011-04-04T02:16:00.006+08:00

They said, I am just too full of myself.
That's what they said.

Every now and then people says many things about you, trying to define you in a very limited way. They even went too far describing what kind of person you are with their limited imagination. That it just loser.I mean overusing the adjective for someone else?

For people who want to stay focus with their life taking too much consideration with this nasty comment is useless, not only is waste of time but also putting your self esteem at stake. Unfortunately sometimes these people are the people you thought 'friend'.

As life is all about choices and indeed no doubt is very short, I will not going to spent my another precious minute just trying to figure out why did people who I thought / called friend turned their face around when come to accepting who you are, I just choose not to deal with this kind people, I just take one step backward, turn around and leave.

What more if that person who said it who is no body in your life, well someone who try to fit in. The more reason you need to avoid these people, they have nothing better to do.

Therefore, I don't argue for bad reason.

Marilyn Monroe once said ; 'when you can not accept me at my bad, you surely don't deserve me at my best'. As human we should understand people came from different background, they have their own history, which we don't understand because we are not the one who gone through what they've went through in their life, so accept them just who they are. So, I accept this people are just group of people living pathetic life, thinking that it is all about them.

This is an adult game now, no more high school, so take or leave. Some times, we just do not need to understand why things happened, because the reason can be as lame as 'jealousy' or 'enviousness' that make us all annoyed.

Before I end, I would like to share a quote from Oscar Wilde, 'I am the only person in the world I should like to know thoroughly'. I'm taking his advice.

Screwed you!

Book Reading Shared

2011-04-02T14:37:00.006+08:00

Any time a woman competes with another woman, she demeans herself.

If you don't trust a guy, stop seeing him.
If any woman can steal a guy from you, then let she have him.
Be confident, he should stick with you if he really want you, don't let yourself being compare by man to another woman.

Moving-Packing

2011-04-02T11:25:00.002+08:00

No I'm not changing my career or my employer.

It just happened I heard I will be transfer to Kuching, Sarawak office.

I'm actually having mix feeling about it for the past 2 days. But after rationalized thing, I guess I like the idea, I am actually excited now.

The problem that I need to solve is 'how to pack?' or 'where to start packing?', because I counted I have 27 pairs of shoes, 24 handbags, 3 wardrobe of clothes, more than 100 books (fiction and non-fiction), guitar, fav. pillows, fav. blankets and alot more stuff on my make-up table.

Luckily I never like kitchen, the only thing I think I'm bringing is my wine glass!!

I never change address for almost 8 years. My life concentrate in this city. Even if I go back to Sabah, this house is already a home to me. It's hard to move.

But I'm think it is a good thing. I trust my instinct this time around.

the cookies I did like

2011-03-30T00:17:00.001+08:00

Chipsmore was one of my favourite cookies. But I don't enjoy it like I used to anymore.

In randomness, I think too much coffee and lack of sleep are not only bad for your health but also skin. But my good mood usually dependent on how much coffee I consumed in a day.

Work-(NO)-Shop

2011-03-26T04:01:00.004+08:00

Intercontinental Hotel, Bangkok Thailand.

How could you not love this hotel?

Perfect bed.

Perfect TV size

Perfect work station

I forgotten to bring my international adapter as I know Thailand using the 2 pin plug (unlike us using 3 pin plug), but when I arrive in the room I was not only surprised they have international plug all over the room but also iPhone charge! awesome.

Free fruit upon arrival

shopping bad -on my last day (nothing in there)

I sleep while TV on and together with all my junks as well as the laptop. Such a bad way to enjoy this room

Pre and Post

The taxi warning of NOT FART in his car caught my eyes

Thai Silk that I can't afford

iBerry - local ice cream that I had with a friend of mine

again Thai silk that I can't afford

Nonetheless had great time in Bangkok.

While In Bangkok

2011-03-24T23:54:00.005+08:00

Today (24th of March 2011) (I don't know what time it happened) earthquake 7.0 magnitude hits Myanmar near China and Thailand borders. (CNN).

I was in the meeting room at Intercontinental Hotel, Bangkok the whole morning to evening. I only aware about this at night around 10pm (Kuala Lumpur) time. When friends send me twitter status.

Now at 11pm (Bangkok) time, I'm at 28th floor of the same hotel. With my weary heart. No wonder the BlackBerry not working.
I know I will be fine. It just that I don't know what to do when it happen.

Valentine's Day

2011-03-23T23:20:00.002+08:00

I am having a great time here in Bangkok. For the first time I went for work that I am having a great time. Do I love my job now? Maybe.

Okay, where was that come from?

I have a great bed in this room. Super comfortable.But I can only sleep when I am not insomnia or when I finally smacked my head somewhere and then I forgot what coffee is. I mean to say I can't sleep even on comfy bed.

I have big plasma TV that I can leave it on whole night it wont bother me that much, but I don't remember how fun it was watching TV alone!!

I have super awesome Internet connection and BlackBerry on roaming but I cried super hard after watching the Valentine's Day movie. Yes, you heard (read) me. I cried.

Few weeks ago, I had a broken heart. I don't cry even though I wanted to, and I couldn't cry even though my heart feel really pain. But after this movie, my heart itched. I cried. But, it was a relief.

Bye. Melancholy.

p/s: Jesus I don't ask much, I just ask when I meet a guy I like more than my BlackBerry can you please make sure he is actually single and that he like me too. That's all I am asking. Please don't let me meet someone that play dice with many girls, someone who 50-50 about me, not someone who plays guitar please I had too much of them coming over and leave after they broke the string. Just someone that sincere. (amen)

Fact oh! Fact

2011-03-20T12:39:00.003+08:00

Helvetica is the name of the font use (randomness)

I had a conversation with my cousin few days ago. He always being the smarter one among our family. I always make use of him whenever I'm too ignorant about certain fact and too lazy to search the truth about it.

So I was asking him about the nuclear radiation.

s: Can rain washed away the radiation?
s: Or will it be acid rain?
r: radiation is not something like air or smoke or liquid la

s: So what it is
r: it's form is like the wavelenght your phone uses to communicate
s: Huh?!

s: So can't use phone is it?
s: I don't understand
r: haha, that is called population, contamination you are referring to

s: Enlighten me more pls
r: lol.

r: the source of nuclear produce wavelength just like radio or cell phone.
s: Okay
r: but the one it gives out is quite small in a sense, it can alter human cell
r: or any living cell
r: so your baby will be defected

s: Ah

s: So why they said

s: If the wind coming here

s: We are in danger?

s: Or the rain?

r: lol. if the source of the nuclear gets blown by a cyclone to ur place, yeah..

s: OMG!!!!

s: Can we possibly know where the wind gonna blow

r: no la

r: radium is something like gold.

r: the thing that is dangerous is the nuclear waste

r: that can also cause cell mutation

r: this can be liquid and yes,.. be effected by rain

r: on ya one more important fact, radiation is contagious

s: Omg!!!

r: once you are contaminated (expose a long time to radiation), you yourself becomes a carrier and emit radiation.. but not sure la how long

s: That's scary

s: Omg!!!!!

r: cool right

r: it's just a wavelenght frequency... it's not even a living organism..

r: lol. last time, u can easily detect radiation with film rolls. not kodak doesn't sell them anymore

r: we are all screwed

s: OMG

r: lol

But since according to our everyday national news that Malaysia is (still) safe, then please enjoy the rainy season. And stop your radiation spams on my telephone.

Another myths that I need to correct myself as well is about the eye twitches.

Superstitiously some said its a sign of bad thing/or good thing (depending on which side of the eye is twitches) will happen to you.

My left eye been twitching like 5 days in the row. It disturbed me. After trying to convince myself that I will be okay, no avail, I looked up for scientific reason, so google enlightened me on this with some scientific reasons.

Eye twicthes is a repetitive and rhythmic contraction of the eyelid muscles called Blepharospasm. Also known as Fasciculation, which is defined as the twitching or continuous movement of muscle fiber groups. The factor variety but harmless, few common causes of eye twitch;

fatigue or lack of sleep
over consumption of caffeine
physical or emotional stress
anxiety of phobias
brain damage or other neurological disorders
associated with temper tantrums (in children)
eye stress associated with extended viewing of the computer screen
epilepsy

I Hereby confirmed no 1, 2, 3, 7 and perhaps no 6 if you consider me children still.

So rest assures I'm not going to win the lottery or meeting prince charming anytime soon.

Love.

Life in Randomness

2011-03-19T21:07:00.002+08:00

Honestly apart from concerning more serious issues around the world, I also worried about my 'own'. Being as superficial as I am at the moment, I'm disturbed about my (never ending) personal issues.

Here are some (from my many) dramas in life;

I'm going to stop thinking about wanting to get married or to have a boyfriend for that matter. I can always adopt a child and I always can have male acquaintance. And please don't ask me why I decided to stop. It's just so tiring to ask and to (think of the) answer.

I'm not going to worry about me drinking coffee minimum 3 cups a day. I will do teeth cleaning. Say it's bad for my health but life is too short.

I'll cut everything I eat (from now on) to small portion. (very small)"vain" (is it?) if you really want to say that, but I love myself more, so let me be. Beside I'm tired when I look myself at the mirror.

I'm focusing on myself now. My career. My Damian's. Just me.

I also do not want to be away from BlackBerry and iPhone. So, I will be the friend who always have BlackBerry on my left hand and fork/spoon on my right hand.

I will also try to save more money for more shopping and be smart at it! to have more vouchers.

Next,

I believe I'm going to have that job that I've been dreaming of and I believe I will be able to buy my next apartment!- watch me, don't ever gets tired watching over me will ya?

And,

For those who try to let me down, try me more. The more you do the better person I become. Try harder please.

I have coffee now and need more books.

Please take care and also stop the radiation spam will ya?
love.

Blessing in Disguise

2011-03-17T09:31:00.001+08:00

I think it's blessing in disguise

After another episode of emotional break-down

I was flooded with lots of work

too overwhelmed with work right now
and more outstation

God

always have His way to let me pick up my already broken pieces

now I believe that there's always beauty in broken pieces

its just take sometime for you to realized it

Still praying for Japan.

2011-03-15T21:06:00.002+08:00

2011-03-14T12:00:00.003+08:00

Be Still Please

2011-03-14T09:23:00.003+08:00

Again, earth shaking. This time in Japan.

The whole weekend starting Friday Twitter and Facebook are flooded with all kind of updates, pledging human race to unite in pray. No doubt, Japan is a strong country but when disaster strike like this none of us are eligible enough to make fun of one another, I'm referring to all kinds of questions that sounded like this 'where is ultraman' or 'ultraman run away'.

Man, this is a real thing happening out there so stop making your stupid jokes (or insensitive cartoon for that matter).

If you can't help other during their hardest part, please don't try to add up their misery! One thing that you can do that doesn't really take a lot of your time, energy and money is PRAY!

Praying is for the weak, and that's us. so lets pray. (It one of us there who suffering)

And despite all the disaster in Japan. Here in Malaysia we celebrating the All England title won by Datuk Lee against China Lin Dan, the match ended with 21-17, 21-17 which I think is pretty good game.

While many us Malaysian hoping to hear the Prime Minister to announce public holiday on Monday disappointed as he told us to work hard so that we have more victories. In which I might agree with him, too much public holiday will just distracts the nation unnecessarily.

And to look back how the Japanese rise against every disasters (since WWII), was by working hard!- I bet they will do just well for the recent one. (I'm praying)

Going back to the 8.9 magnitude earthquake in Japan, I've been receiving few phone text about the aftermath of the tsunami for example this one:

"Along the coast of Putatan all the shells surfaced. It's the animals reaction to the coming of disaster. This shells always hide beneath the sand for them to surface is an unusual and unnatural thing"

I texted all the families members in Kota Kinabalu and Kuala Penyu geographical they are too near the sea. You know just for them to take extra pre-cautions (if any). And while all this happening I try to imagine how far this 8.9 magnitude can go after Japan ;

*sigh. I don't know. Earth, be still please (please).

2011-03-11T11:21:00.004+08:00

Lowest Point

2011-03-08T16:18:00.008+08:00

I guess rigth now is the lowest point of my life so far this year, and mind you its only March.
Now, I think the lady who did my fortune-telling years back knocking some sense in my head. Perhaps.

Rejection?
I have 2 kinds. (1) From a man (2) Job applications. (God, when will this will end?)

About Man

Actually fate plays trick on me, that's my only consclusion about this. How I wish it was real because to have that feeling with someone like him is actually beautiful. I felt very comfortable talking to him, spent my sunday lazily with him, talk about nothing. But turn out it just another trick played on me. I move on. I forgives him. I'm sure he have reason for whatever it was.

About work

Now I believe that being a lawyer is not at all fun! I am getting sick and tired with it already. I am planning something and it also includes non-legal job. Wish me luck.

love.

Stick-Me-Not

2011-03-05T12:36:00.001+08:00

Again another Saturday, I am in the office breakfast with McD black roast coffee. But I'm enjoying myself as when working on Saturday-no phone calls, no emails, no people to meet, no meeting- just work.

Last night I went to bazaar, it's been quite a long time since the last time I visit bazaar like 'down town'. So I bought that magnet stick, I was so excited to stick it at my PC side, but turn out that the PC not a metal based, dang! so I stick at my pencil's stand. cute huh?

Anyway,
Including this week, I received 5 rejection application job. Sad though. But people said one door close more open. But what if 5 doors close????

God let me have one job that I will sustain for at least 10 years!~(amen)

Hobby, If I still have one.

2011-02-28T11:55:00.008+08:00

It took me more than 15 minutes staring at this computer screen just to figure out how to begin writing.

I have new hobby. Yes, you heard me. Apart from sending (my not so much) money to shopping malls for shoes and Starbucks coffees (is that even a hobby?) I developed one new hobby (a decent one I may say) ; Wall Climbing.

It's a little bit extreme exercise for me (for those who know me for ages, they would understand why is that so extreme, I never really walk far than 1km a day!!). Anyway, I had Yoga that I did religiously last 2 years and then I stop and I picked it up again early this month. I went to gym last year every alternate days for 4 months then I stop. I am not sure how long this wall climbing will make me last, but I am optimist (at least for now very optimist) and for sure the pain that the climbs gave to my body will force me to go again (and I hope more again).

Nevertheless, I (kinda) like it. The pain somehow proved that I did something worthwhile for my body and of course like a friend told me, 'you feel so much alive'. It's like a terrible hang over after a great party!

Speaking about hobby, I got my new love-the red Aldo bag!

Okay I got this bag for free! I went to The Garden Aldo outlet and I bitched about last few days incident and how loyal I am with Aldo. I also talked about manners, about 'customer always right' and also how active I am in FB, Twitter and also this blog. So, that woman (who was rude to me) and her (maybe) supervisor asked for an apology and they said I can get that bag provided I buy something cheaper and just keep it quiet. Sort of they gave me discount like that. So I got this bag-(and also another black tote bag I forgot to take picture of)-all in all I only spent hundred something and I get 2 Aldo bags which total worth RM540 in one day! - Don't you just love to speak out when people being rude to you? please do and do it with charms too! I am terribly smart shopaholic right?

Gah! I told you I am very superficial.

But today, I am so feeling (rather) empty. I don't feel like eating, don't feel like talking to anyone either. Something wrong I bet the coffee I had this morning done in all different manner. Maybe wear wrong high heels?

Be good.

Short Singapore Trip

2011-02-23T14:10:00.005+08:00

Mak's Place

An Indian Vegetarian Food for breakfast

Ayam Panget Bandung

I was here on the 12th and 13th of February. It's really a short trip and it's all about food. No agenda. No rush. No appointments. Just breath easy.

Three Good

2011-02-23T14:04:00.004+08:00

My shopping love affairs

2011-02-23T10:06:00.004+08:00

It is superficial that shopping malls actually (can) make me happy. But whatever right?

Its been awhile since the last shopping. Yesterday while on leave I was at Aldo (The Garden) almost purchasing one red stunning hand bag but because I was treated badly by the sale woman, I leave.

She is not friendly, she also do not help me in my shopping by giving information needed, just because she busy doing the rack. As a customer what more a loyal to Aldo, I refuse to be treated that way, I believe that I can get that bag at other Aldo outlets (her lost). This time I am switching to Bangsar.

But nevertheless, I got myself new bag from MNG. And I still keep thinking about the Aldo's Bag, sigh.

When I reach home, only to realized that this bag is actually a bit complicated. It is not something that I need at the moment but I am happy getting it.

And I also will start my Yoga sessions (back). I stop yoga for about a year and I hope I will be able to start it all over again with the help of this DVD. This Simply Yoga set (DVD and Book) is only worth RM32.90 and you can get it from Borders.

Last night I was working on my inspiration wall, I guess I needed more postcards to be able to fill up the entire empty space.

Have a great day

Migrate?

2011-02-19T11:32:00.014+08:00

I think one of the reason why I can no longer consume beer (well at least how I did 3 years ago) is because I get too much 'invovled' with coffee afairs! Apart from drinking water, coffee is the second beverage that I have (need) to drink everyday!

Talking about coffee, after Starbucks Coffee, McDonald Premium Roast Coffee is my second take. In Singapore and Philippines, McDonald have this McCafe- a little cute cafe for coffee drinker-I think Malaysia at least KL should have it sooner or else we will migrate! (LOL! That's not real-we will migrate even if we don't have McCafe).

I am here in the office on saturday morning. While half of my friends (in most part of the world) either sleeping or doing some brisk walking inside the shopping mall. Don't let me answer why-I-am-in-the-office for a day that is not my working day. I don't have a good one for you.

Last 2 weekend, I was in Singapore for my 'run-away-from-home' - trying to make sense some madness happening in my life lately. It was a blast weekend for me actually, and for that I would like to express my deepest gratitude to Kak Jah, Abg Fiss and Zeehan for taking me in and making sure I had a good meals and enjoy my sightseeing and not forgotten the best conversation that I had with Kak Ja (I think she is smart and a cool mom)! I love that, and yes you convinced me enough to move to Singapore.

And my apologise as well for the delay to upload all photos; photos in Singapore and the rest of the photos in Sabah during Chinese New Year, that also includes photos from last weekend outing at Klang. (dang!! so many pending uploading to do and not to mention the editting part)

Talking about Klang. Last weekend a group of my friends went to Chinese Temple at Jenjarom, then we headed to Morib Beach to catched sunset before our Chinese Seafood dinner at Klang. It was 5 cars 'konvoi' trip.

Well it was fun and carefree but until I made everyone in the group driving in a wrong turning. 3 cars had have to wait our car came out from the wrong raute and one car headed home. (I feel bad seriously until now-it's not a joke but I am deeply sorry) -sometimes I made mistake.

photo: courtesy from Mr. Andy aka Gurangak.

O! This morning before I went to office, I woke up very early and sent all the empty bottles, no longer need magazines and newspaper and used paper to recycle centre. I got RM19 for almost 2 years collected stuff! - this is my morale support for the environment, I don't simple throw things in the bin but help the centre to do the recycle (at least).

That's all for now. I shall resume for work.

You take care and have a great weekend peeps.

('',)

Love Day.

2011-02-14T00:43:00.006+08:00

I am taking this opportunity to wish you all Happy Valentine's Day. But it should not be only one day to express our love but everyday.

"In the end these things matter most :
How well did you love?
How fully did you love?
How deeply did you learn to let go?"
(The Buddha)

Have a great Valentine's everyone.

('',)

Lovely

2011-02-11T14:59:00.003+08:00

Nikon D5000

TV Series : I like

2011-02-09T09:07:00.001+08:00

Lipstick Jungle
Sex and The City
Grey's Anatomy
Gilmore's Girls
Ugly Betty
(and few more)

....are actually series that I look up for very often and never fail to entertain me.

Its kinda source of my shoe addiction and inspiration to be a fabulous working girl. I miss spending hours on series!

(Lipstick Jungle)

Victory: Why did I have to meet you now? Two years ago, I was successful. I was on top of my game, I had 15 employees and 11 stores, and now I look like this needy person who always needs to be saved?

Joe: What makes you think I’m saving you?

(Sex and The City)

Mr Big: Nice dress.
Carrie: you mean?
Mr. Big: Nice dress.

p/s: I want new shoe for March. Hunting one now!

Have great day

None of your business

2011-02-07T10:22:00.004+08:00

Welcoming my 'working day' after a week long of holiday. So yeah, I am back to concrete jungle of Kuala Lumpur more spesifically here in Putrajaya.

And the worst thing (not really) while writing this post, I am in office and having my second cups of coffee at 10.12 am. Reason being, I did not sleep at all last night. Don't ask 'why' because my explanation might sound silly.

So, lets begin with a powerful line that wakes me up from self-negative-criticism.

"Actually, what other people think about you is none of your business. So, live life according to what you think best for yourself"

It's me.
Have a great day.

High Fly

2011-02-07T09:49:00.004+08:00

Location: Kampung Batu Luang, Kuala Penyu, Sabah Malaysia.

Time: Sunset

By, Nikon D5000 (auto)

p/s: my second fav. place to spend the sunset.

Flower

2011-02-07T09:44:00.004+08:00

Location: Kuala Penyu

Time: Morning-Noon

By, Nikon (Manual)

I'm Home

2011-02-01T09:18:00.004+08:00

I landed in KK on Sunday morning via Firefly. Firefly was okay and I had 40 minutes of sleep in their almost empty plane.

Question: Was it because I fly on early Sunday morning or was it because it's still new to explain the empty seats?

The pattern of their service not much different with Airasia, but their Flight Attendence's uniforms are more decent to compare with. So, I have not much complain for my expensive ride this time.

It's really good to be home.

But I am kinda bored, because I don't have any agenda for this trip, except the coming Chinese New Year and perhaps family meeting. I met my twitter friend's, I eat pork and I karaoke for 2 hours. Though, I am still in KK I feel like clueless of what to do already. Most of my friend are working perhaps that the reason.

But I will be heading to Kuala Penyu for Chinese New Year.

Traffic is getting bad in KK. The price of my pedicure double. Perhaps thats how crazy the celebration gonna be (I hope)

I will write to you again (when I feel like). Take care.

Fear Flying

2011-01-26T22:04:00.004+08:00

Dad wanted me to be home so badly, he said "money we can find. Family interaction is foremost. That's why I want you to come home especialy during CNY". Even after my many attempts to convince him that the plane ticket is so bloody expensive.

And yet, he insisted to pay half of the ticket's price. I love him nonetheless.

Well yes it's true that Chinese New Year is also a time for most of the family members united. So with that I will be home very soon for yet another festival. It will be like Christmas again, it just that this time we will see red everywhere.

No family is perfect, all of us have issues, but I believe that only family has pure love and it is where your sense of belonging.

Anyway it will be my first time flying to Sabah via FireFly. I am excited and hoping that it doesn't scared me that much. After what happened to Airasia in Sarawak, I have slight fear flying. I am sure I will blog about it though.

Firefly is the second Low Cost Carrier in the country and it is MAS subsidiry, perhaps it is positive sign for healty competition in the industry. The best thing about Firefly is that, they depart from KLIA (to East Malaysia)/ Subang (to West Malaysia) instead of LCCT. It is good for me because I can just take ERL Transit from Putrajaya.

Home again.

MakeUp

2011-01-24T16:05:00.005+08:00

Quoted from Marilyn Monroe, "Beneath the makeup and behind the smile I am just a girl who wishes for the world."

But, I am not that girl who buried my skin with makeup, not at all. Just a smile.

I never really like cosmetic, makeup or what not. I enjoy it only a little, not as much as I enjoy 4 inches heels! If I really need to have it, it always very-very light, mascara, lip balm (no color), eyeshadow and sometimes not even with mascara.

There will be a day that you might be seeing a ghost walking in the office or court compound. Because I can be deadly pale! Like today! I know some people wondering why I don't make the effort (at all).

I don't have motivation to look pretty (lately). Serious, sometimes I do envy people who can make their face so nicely done everyday.And after how many years working I'm still like this. (sigh)

But Yves Saint-Laurent once said, "The most beautiful makeup of a woman is passion. But cosmetics are easier to buy."

So, I guess I will just concentrate on things that I am very passionate with, since this makeup thingy I already failed.

Have a good day.

Aged Naturally

2011-01-20T05:42:00.003+08:00

on my way to work (today) I saw this

Mom

2011-01-17T21:14:00.005+08:00

I always have this 'short' phone calls from mom. The type of calls that doesn't even last 3 minutes. She will call me very often, often enough to make you restless. There's one occasion she called 7 times in 4 hours!-just because she knew I was on fever. But actually I'm grateful that I was loved that much.

She doesn't really talk much with me, because I am close to dad compare to her. She will ask me ; whether I am home, what am I doing, is dinner taken. Then usually, I will asked her whether she's okay, where's dad, and that's all. It will be longer if I want to complain to her about one of my siblings which is very rare, because I do that often with dad.

Today she called again, and I knew it will be very short like usual.
I just wonder.

Is she not tired worrying about me all the time? Always need to do that short phone calls and think whether I am fine, whether I am in good state, safe and what not. Doesn't she know that I can take care of myself? She should not be worrying that much.

Perhaps in that very short phone calls she can ask whether I miss home? Tell me what she cook at night. So that I will be less lonely?

But above all, I always believe being a mother is the greatest thing that can happen for all woman. And I just wonder whether for myself I want 'that'? I mean someone calling me 'mom'?